创始人复盘：高自恋倾向如何导致外部依赖及应对策略
I took a personality test. The result was brutal.
All right. Today I'm going to talk about some embarrassing stories that happened to me. These are three moments where I felt that sting of embarrassment, but something changed in me because it was it was so painful. Uh as they say, sometimes the wound becomes the door. I think in every social situation, I am fundamentally at some level just actively trying to avoid embarrassment. probably even more than trying to avoid like pain and death cuz I don't even think about those but I definitely think about ways I could be embarrassed and yet embarrassment seems to find me and it finds me you know somewhat often and and you know there there is an upside to the embarrassment after the the sting wears off and the pain is gone there is usually some sort of learning some sort of growth some sort of benefit but even knowing that I don't go look for embarrassment I still actively try to avoid it so the first story I recently sold sold a company and made more money than I've ever made in my life.
好的。今天我想分享一些发生在我身上的尴尬故事。这是三个让我感到尴尬刺痛的时刻，但因为痛苦太过深刻，它们改变了我。正如人们所说，有时伤口会成为一扇门。我认为在每一种社交场合中，我在某种程度上都在积极地试图避免尴尬，甚至可能比避免疼痛和死亡还要积极，因为我根本不去想后者，但我确实会思考自己可能会陷入尴尬的种种方式。然而，尴尬似乎总能找到我，而且频率还不低。不过，当尴尬的刺痛消退、痛苦过去之后，通常会有某种学习、成长或益处。但即便知道这一点，我也不会主动去寻找尴尬，我仍然在积极地避免它。所以第一个故事是，我最近卖掉了一家公司，赚的钱比我这辈子都多。
And with that gain comes the obnoxious problems that nobody wants to hear about where you're just sort of like uh I don't know what to do anymore. And so I hired this coach, this uh sort of like life direction coach. And he asked me to take a personality test at the beginning and he tells me the personality test is going to be kind of weird. It's not like a normal one. But he's like, "Don't worry, just answer all the questions."
伴随着这份收益而来的是那些没人愿意听的讨厌问题，你只会觉得“我不知道该怎么办了”。于是我请了一位教练，一位生活方向指导教练。他在开始时让我做了一份性格测试，并告诉我这份测试有点特别，不像普通的测试。但他又说：“别担心，只要回答所有问题就行。”
So I'm answering all these questions. Some are about work, some are about personal life, some are about relationships. I answer all these questions. I thought it was pretty straightforward, pretty easy, and I tried to answer them as honestly as possible. Few weeks later, he says, "You want to see the results of that test?" "Yeah, absolutely." He pulls up this slide, like there's like all these categories, and I have low scores in all these categories, and there's one score where I'm off the charts and I squint and I lean in to zoom to see what it is, and it just says narcissism.
于是我开始回答这些问题。有些关于工作，有些关于个人生活，还有些关于人际关系。我都回答了。我觉得题目相当直接明了，很容易，我也尽量诚实地作答。几周后，他说：“你想看看测试结果吗？”“当然想。”他调出了一张幻灯片，上面列出了许多类别，而我在所有这些类别中的得分都很低，只有一个类别的得分高得离谱。我眯起眼睛，凑近屏幕放大查看，结果上面写着‘自恋’。”}]}
I had, no joke, 110 on the scale. It was over a hundred on the narcissistic personality tendency score. And as a narcissist, I was like, "That's right. I win." And so I'm like, "What is this?" And he's like, "Yeah." So, um, you scored very high on this thing. Is this guy calling me an and like arrogant and narcissistic? And am I? Wait, I kind of am. What does that mean? And so my head is swirling. I'm not even listening to him for the next 5 minutes. just again thinking about myself and proving his point and I actually learned something pretty valuable about myself and I'll share with you the the lesson.
我体重秤上的数字是110，没开玩笑。我的自恋人格倾向得分超过了一百。作为一个自恋者，我当时心想："没错，我赢了。"然后我又想："这是什么情况？"对方说："是啊。"于是他说，你在这一项上得分非常高。这家伙是在说我傲慢又自恋吗？那我是不是呢？等等，我好像还真是。这到底意味着什么？当时我脑子里一团乱麻，接下来五分钟我根本没在听他说话，只是反复思考自己，并无意中印证了他的观点。我从中学到了一个非常有价值的关于自己的教训，现在分享给你们。
Probably most of you won't score 110 or 115 on the narcissism scale but maybe some of this might apply to you. So the thing about this trait is uh it's not a judgment or an insult but it is something to be aware of. Okay. So he was like people who have this trait what it means is that they feel like they are special and their life and their life is going to be special and that the norms of the world the averages the rules of the world don't fully apply to them.
你们中大多数人可能不会在自恋量表上得110或115分，但其中某些内容或许适用于你。所以，这种特质的关键在于，它不是评判或侮辱，而是一种需要留意的东西。好的。他说，拥有这种特质的人意味着他们觉得自己是特别的，自己的人生也将是特别的，而世界的规范、平均值和规则并不完全适用于他们。
Sound familiar? Like yes actually I remember filling that in on the test. Uh absolutely. And I've always taken great pride in that, of not wanting to be ordinary, of wanting to be extraordinary, of wanting to have a special life, of feeling like, you know, um, great. You can tell me all the averages that those don't apply to me. I'm the outlier. And he goes, "That's served you, hasn't it?" I said, "Yeah, well, what served you can also screw you.
听起来很熟悉吧？是的，我记得我在测试时确实这么填的。嗯，绝对如此。我一直为此感到自豪，因为我不想平庸，我想变得非凡，想过一种特别的人生，我觉得……你知道的，嗯，太棒了。你可以告诉我那些平均值，但它们不适用于我。我是那个离群值。然后他说："这曾帮过你，不是吗？"我说："是啊，不过，曾经帮过你的东西也可能毁了你。"
The dose makes the poison. If you believe that to be true, then you're not going to accept um, you know, that you you shouldn't go start a business. 90% of businesses fail. Well, I'm special. I'll be different." and you'll take it'll get you to go take action. But the thing about it, why it's called narcissism instead of just self-confidence or self-belief is you don't know what it is that's special about you. There's a vague sense that there's something special that something is going to happen to your but you don't have any specificity on it.
剂量决定毒性。如果你相信这一点，那么你就不会接受——你知道的——你不应该去创业，因为90%的企业会失败。然而你会想："我很特别，我会不一样。"这种想法会让你采取行动。但问题在于，为什么这被称为自恋，而不是单纯的自信或自我信念，是因为你不知道自己究竟哪里特别。你有一种模糊的感觉，觉得有什么特别的事情会发生在你身上，但你对此没有任何具体的认知。
And because you don't really know it and really understand it and really understand the specifics of it, it's fuzzy. And when it's fuzzy, you go searching for validation in other places. Meaning you want others to see you as special because it validates that that thing inside you that you felt was special about you. So you might be more active on social media or creating content or public speaking. And I'm like well yep yep check check.
因为你对它并不真正了解，也没有真正理解它的细节，所以它是模糊的。当情况模糊不清时，你会去其他地方寻求认可。也就是说，你希望别人把你看作特别的人，因为这能验证你内心觉得属于自己的那种特殊性。因此，你可能会在社交媒体上更活跃，或者创作内容、公开演讲。而我心想：没错，确实如此。
You know I definitely have have oriented my entire life around that. Uh that sounds sounds correct. There's a danger in that and seeking that validation of your specialness from others because you'll get a high high when you get it but you'll get the a lower than normal low when you just lack it. Not even somebody says something bad about you, but they just don't you don't feel seen as special. Does that sound familiar?
你知道，我确实把整个人生都围绕这一点来安排。嗯，这听起来是正确的。从他人那里寻求对你特殊性的认可是有危险的，因为当你得到它时会感到极度兴奋，但当你缺乏它时，你的情绪会降到低于正常的低谷。即使没有人说你坏话，只是你没有感觉到自己被视作特别的人。这听起来很熟悉吗？
And I thought about I host this event with 30 of the most unbelievable people on earth, you know, founders of the biggest companies in the world. But every so often in this event, I feel this pang of uh insecurity and I want them to know how how awesome I am and how special I how great I am. I don't say this out loud, but deep down that's what bothers me, right? Like that's that's the part I'm feeling feeling bad about because everything is going great at the event, but I am feeling bad.
我曾想过，我主办了一场活动，邀请了地球上30位最不可思议的人物，你知道，都是全球最大公司的创始人。但偶尔在这场活动中，我会感到一阵不安，我希望他们知道我是多么出色、多么特别、多么伟大。我不会大声说出来，但内心深处这才是困扰我的地方，对吧？就像那样，那是让我感觉不好的部分，尽管活动一切顺利，但我却感觉不好。
I've gone to heaven and I I'm feeling hell and a man could do that. You can you can make hell out of heaven if you if you're not careful, if you're in your own head. And I said, "Well, is there something I could do about this?" He said, "Well, yeah, you can. You know, first step is just being aware of it, noticing when that might be happening. Catch yourself before you fall down a a trap. But the second part is get clear.
我身处天堂，却感觉如在地狱，一个人确实可以做到这样。如果你不小心，如果你沉浸在自己的思绪中，你可以把天堂变成地狱。我说：“那我能为此做点什么吗？”他说：“嗯，当然可以。你知道，第一步就是意识到它，注意它可能正在发生的时候。在你掉进陷阱之前抓住自己。但第二部分是要弄清楚。”
Get clear about what it is that is special about you so you don't need it from others. When you filled your own water cup, you're not waiting. You're not sitting around waiting for the waiter to come back. I think that's a very powerful idea. Many many of you are probably like me where you seek some external validation, some external praise, some external award, some external whether it's grades or money or praise or whatever as a substitute for just filling the cup up yourself.
弄清楚你身上什么才是特别的，这样你就不需要从他人那里寻求了。当你给自己倒满水杯时，你不需要等待。你不会坐在那里等着服务员回来。我认为这是一个非常有力的观点。在座的许多人可能和我一样，寻求某种外部的认可、外部的赞扬、外部的奖项，或者是外部的成绩、金钱、赞扬或其他任何东西，作为仅仅靠自己填满杯子的替代品。
And when you fill the cup up yourself because you understand what makes you great, you could just kind of be comfortable in your own skin, which I think is one of the greatest feelings on earth is when you feel totally comfortable in your own skin. You don't feel like you need to be anything more than you are. And I don't think I've achieved that yet, but I've definitely taken the wound of seeing theundund 110 or whatever on the narcissism scale and saying, "Okay, that's a somebody held up a bit of a mirror and I can maybe I don't love what I see, but at least I see I see what it is and now I can, you know, I can adjust accordingly."
当你因为明白是什么让你变得卓越而为自己‘填满杯子’时，你就能安然自处。我认为这是地球上最美好的感受之一——当你完全接纳自己、感到自在时，你不会觉得自己需要成为比现在更厉害的人。我尚未达到这种境界，但我确实正视了自己在自恋量表上高达110分（或类似高分）这一事实，并告诉自己：‘好吧，有人举起了镜子，虽然我不一定喜欢镜中的自己，但至少我看到了真相，现在我可以根据实际情况做出调整。’
The truth is such a rare gift. One time I got a call from Scott Harrison of Charity Water and I know Scott, but we're not friends like we don't call each other. This is the first call I've had in 10 years from him. You got a minute? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got a minute. Scott, what's up? Hey, man. I was listening to your podcast. You know, you do a good job, but you want to be great at podcasting, right? This is like your thing.
真相是如此稀有的礼物。有一次，我接到慈善水组织（Charity Water）创始人斯科特·哈里森（Scott Harrison）的电话。我认识斯科特，但我们不算朋友，平时不会互相打电话。这是他十年来第一次给我打电话。他说：‘你有空吗？’我说：‘有啊，有啊，有啊，我有空。’他问：‘斯科特，什么事？’他说：‘嘿，哥们儿。我在听你的播客。你知道，你做得不错，但你想在播客领域做到顶尖，对吧？这可是你的专长。’
You really care about podcasting? I was like, "Yeah, man. That's my thing." You got to stop saying like. You say like all the time, huh, dude? You're saying like all the time. You say like like 500 times in an episode. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah, that's true, man. I should I should work on that. Yeah. Yeah. You really should. You can do it. You can fix it. It's not that hard. just pay attention to it and do it and you you'll be so much better at it.
你真的在乎播客吗？我当时说：‘是啊，哥们儿，这是我的专长。’他说：‘你得改掉总爱说‘like’的习惯。你老是说‘like’，伙计？你每集要说大概500次‘like’。’我说：‘哦，对，没错，哥们儿。我该改改这个毛病。’他说：‘真的应该改。你能行，你能改掉它。这并不难，只要留意这一点并刻意练习，你会进步巨大的。’
You're doing so many other great things, but this like thing is crazy. And I just wanted to tell
你在其他方面已经做了很多很棒的事，但这个‘like’的问题简直离谱。我只是想告诉你
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